Can Openers Can be Used as Weapons
by Junewolfe
Summary: Its a normal day at the house when a certain Trio makes things interesting for two females trying to enjoy their evening. Inspired by my weapon-like can opener in my dorm room. Crack.


_I don't own Hetalia or any of the characters._

_Cora and the can opener mentioned in the story belong to me. Morgan belongs to novemberskie._

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><p>"What the hell is that?" Morgan asked as she came over to look at what I was using. "A can opener. Why?" I just kept on opening my can of Spaghetti O's. "THAT is a <em>can opener<em>?" Morgan screeched, taking it from my hands. "Hey! I was using that!" I cried, lunging at her to get it back.

"It looks like a weapon! Seriously, look at this thing!" She held it out in front her to show me. I snatched it back from her. "It looks like something that's keeping me from eating." I snarled. "However, you can be the first to test your theory." She quickly put her hands up and started backing out of the kitchen. "Eat!" She yelled, before going into the living room.

I opened my can and put the stuff in a bowl. I was just about to put the bowl in the microwave to heat it up when the power decided to go out. "Oh that's just freaking _perfect_!" I screamed, slamming the microwave door shut. Morgan peeking in the kitchen to see me sitting on the island, eating my cold Spaghetti O's.

"So just gonna eat 'em cold?" She asked, padding over to the pantry to search for the flashlight we kept in there. I could see her looking for the flashlight and could hear her moving a lot of stuff around. "What shelf did we put that thing on again?" Morgan called over her shoulder as she continued to move stuff. "I think it was on the third shelf in the back r-" I was cut off by the front door slamming open.

Both of us froze as we heard heavy boots on the floor and a storm started up. I grabbed the can opener that I was balancing on one of my knees. Morgan pulled a whisk out of freaking nowhere. "Where in the hell did you pull that from?" I hissed at her. "I always have this on me. I thought you knew." She whispered to me shrugging.

I tensed when I saw a figure at the kitchen and got the spoon covered in Spaghetti O's ready to throw. The figure turned towards the kitchen right as lightening flashed and thunder boomed, illuminating the house, but keeping the person hidden in shadow. The person took one step forward and the spoon was launched as I hopped off the island, bowl ready next.

The person stumbled backwards as the metal hit them and clattered to the ground. I heard a low voice grumbling in a different language and readied the bowl to throw at the man. I didn't get the chance through because before I could throw my arm forward even a tiny bit, my wrist was grabbed by a rough, calloused hand and the bowl was removed from my right hand.

Without thinking, I brought the can opener in my left hand down on the person's head. About the same time I started my assault, Morgan started to beat him with her whisk. "Let go of me!" I shrieked loudly, probably alerting our neighbors to our predicament. Morgan let out a screech as someone grabbed her from behind.

"Morgan!" I screamed, adding my legs in the equation of the can opener. The person holding me let go of me after I hit a certain sensitive place on a man. I looked over at Morgan and saw that she was beating the person that grabbed her into submission. I saw a third person outside in the backyard when the lightening flashed again.

The back door and a voice I recognized shouted. "Mi amigos! Are you two almost finished?" It was Antonio. I stalked over to the back door and grabbed him by his ear, pulling him inside. Morgan by now was locking the front door so the three men couldn't leave. I put Toni in the kitchen with his friends and found the flashlight.

I shined it on the three men sitting on the floor. "What in the _hell_ are you three doing here?" I snapped, tightening my grip on the can opener. Francis whimpered, Toni (for once) wasn't smiling and Gilbert looked pissed. "You unawesome chick. You hit me with a _can opener_?" He yelled as he pointed his finger at me as the power can back on.

Morgan came back in from the garage and was grinning. "I had to flip the breaker back on." She shrugged and looked at the three on the floor. "To answer your question, yes, I did beat you with a can opener." I stuck my tongue out at him and crossed my arms. An idea struck me then. I called Morgan over and told her my plan, to which she pulled her phone out to call a certain Italian to collect the Spaniard at our house.

I pulled my own phone out and dialed a number I basically knew by heart from dealing with a certain albino man sitting in my kitchen. "What are you doing?" Gil asked as he watched my thumb flying over the numbers. "Calling your brother to collect you. What did you think? That I was ordering pizza so we could party?" I put the phone up to ear as Lud answered.

"Hallo?" I smiled as I glanced down at Gil. "Hey Lud. It's Cora; your brother is at my house. Care to come get him?" I tilted my head to the side as I put my other hand on my hip. "What did he do this time?" Lud sighed over the phone and I heard rustling in the background. "Nothing. I managed to beat him into submission with a can opener before he could do anything." I looked at the opener in my hand like it was the most interesting thing in the world.

"Why do you need me to get him?" The background noise stopped, but I heard a car screech up to our house, Lovino had come. "Because of the fact that I'm still looking at him. If you don't want him to die, I suggest you come get him now." I hung up after that and smiled sweetly at Gil and he gulped.

There was pounding on the door and shouting in Italian. Morgan unlocked the door and quickly got away from the door because as soon as the lock slid out of place, it flew open. A very, very pissed off Lovino stormed into our house and into the kitchen and started screaming curses in Italian at Toni. There was silence for a while before Lovino stormed past us dragging Toni by the back of his shirt, out the door.

Soon after Lovino had collected Toni, Ludwig rang the doorbell. "Hey, he's in the kitchen." I greeted, opening the door to allow Lud in. He stalked into the kitchen and there was yelling in German. After what sounded like a small fight, there was the sound of a fist hitting skin and someone falling to the ground. Ludwig walked out of the kitchen with Gil thrown over his shoulder and holding a bloody nose.

"I'm sorry if he caused any trouble for you two." Ludwig sighed. "It's no problem, really." I waved a hand in a 'don't worry about it' manner, and saw Morgan raise an eyebrow at my actions. I shot her a sideways glare. "Anyway, thank you for calling me to get this Dummkopf." Ludwig sighed before leaving.

I closed and turned to Morgan. "Don't _even_ think about saying it." I hissed at her, dialing someone's number. "Don't say what? That you have a crush on him~?" Morgan sang, dancing behind me. I growled at her as Arthur answered his phone. "What the bloody hell do you want now Alfred?" He yelled into the phone. I held my cell away from my ear when he yelled and heard France scurry around in the kitchen. I looked at Morgan and nodded. "Hey Arthur, it's me, Cora. Are you in a violent mood right now?" I asked as Morgan pulled her whisk out and ran into the kitchen to hurt a Frenchman.

"Why does it matter?" The voice snarled from the phone. "Are you willing to beat Francis senseless and leave him in a ditch somewhere?" I bluntly asked trying to block out the noise the whisk was making as the metal hit skin. There was silence on the other side. "Arthur? Are you there?" I questioned, not liking the silence. "Of course I'm still bloody here. Where is that bloody idiot, if you don't mind me asking?" Arthur sounded…a bit happy.

"In my kitchen, getting beaten with a whisk. Why do you ask?" I kind of worried myself because I said it like it was a normal occurrence (which it almost was). "I'll be over there soon." He snapped, hanging up on me. "Well that was rude!" I exclaimed looking at my phone. I waited outside of the kitchen until Morgan came out. "How much of a mess did you make?" I asked, eying the whisk which…was that blood on it?

"Not too bad. He might not look at whisks the same way again. Why?" Morgan studied her weapon of choice. "Arthur's coming to get him. Hopefully he's not bleeding out in the kitchen." I muttered the second sentence. "He isn't! I didn't hit anything…_too_ vital." Morgan waved her whisk in a nonchalant manner, flinging whatever was on there around. "…what do you mean by 'too vital' Morgan?" I deadpanned.

She didn't answer because Arthur stormed into the house then. I pointed to the kitchen and turned around. There would be the chance of seeing my lunch again if I saw what Morgan did. After Arthur left with Francis, I turned around and saw drops of blood on the floor. I sighed and plodded into the living room and flopped onto the couch.

"Why are we the targets for the perverts?" Morgan wondered aloud as she sat herself down on the chair next to the couch. "I don't know. I wish they would stop. They always get beaten." I answered, twirling the can opener that I had in my hands. "No you don't~" Morgan sang. Apparently she forgot that I didn't eat all of my lunch.

"Finish that sentence and you die." I growled, sitting up to look at her. "Every time that Gilly annoys us, you get to see your crush. Who happens to be Gilly's younger brother~" Morgan had a Cheshire Cat grin on her face. I held up the can opener. "See this? It's going to get acquainted with your face now!" I yelled, getting up and chasing her around the house.

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><p><em>First story on here! Thank you so much for reading!<em>


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